Six down, two to go (Or, starting the endurance part of the run)

 

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Wednesday marked the sixth of eight chemo sessions, the beginning of August and some other subtle changes in my psyche. There are a few lines that keep dancing around my head these days: The first is that I am now starting to feel like I’m doing the endurance part of the proverbial chemo run. I love to trail run, but I do it because I love it, and I have never professed to be a long distance runner. There’s a strange bit of truth to this across the board in my life, which is worthy of some thought on my part. I often stop a tough run just before the end of it, and walk the last bit. I almost always leave a bit of food on my plate, even if I’m totally capable of eating all of what’s there. I leave crafts unfinished, scraps of fabric and half-knitted projects stuffed into bags and buried deep in closets. I have countless partially-read books littered and piled around my house. I am known to wash, dry and neglect to fold laundry until the ‘laundry mountain’ threatens to take over the room. Let’s not even talk about relationships and this pattern – certainly on the few occasions that I have committed to going the long haul with someone, it has ended in some pretty spectacular heartache for me. 

Gasp.  Am I really such a non-finisher? 

Not an option at this particular junction. I need to dig deep and summon the energy needed to see this run through to the finish. Where do I start? If I decide today that I’m going to finish that last bit of toast on my plate, will that magically translate into some strengthening of character, create some resolve in other areas of my life? 

More soon. I’m off to fold some laundry with my achy-numb hands. And today I’ll eat my crusts from breakfast and start with that. 

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8 thoughts on “Six down, two to go (Or, starting the endurance part of the run)

  1. Well, I’ve always heard that you should leave a little on your plate, much better than going for seconds (look where it got your poor old Auntie … 😦 You have two little guys in your house who can help with the folding, Nothing wrong with walking the rest of the way from a good run, at least you’re running AND walking. Books must not have been that good if you didn’t finish them, think of all the books you HAVE read. Crafts are for people who LOVE crafts (maybe you’re doing them ’cause everyone else is doing them …?). Relationships? Hmmm, I can only say it takes 100% on both parts to make it thru the good and the bad. You are a wonderful teacher, a fantastic cook, a terrific Mom, a great daughter and a loyal friend. I don’t see a thing wrong with this picture. Keep fighting the good fight little niece. You’re doing just fine. ❤ U

  2. sat down one night with two movies…..watched “Life of Pi”- sat there afterwards, dwelled, pondered, reflected….compared my own life…..then I put on “The Expendables”…..more or less found myself looking at the shape of my TV set…..so I shut it off…..(and thought about Life of Pi some more….) Go the long haul when it matters and be a proud non-finisher when it doesn’t.

  3. Maybe you were just preparing for this one long run all of these years…. you just didn’t know it. Had you run instead of walked, read to the end of each book, finished each craft, you may not have had what you needed to finish this one very important run!
    Hugs, Barb\

  4. ONLY TWO TO GO!!!! Marvellous darling!, you’ve done well, hang in there and then you can do the victory dance!!!

  5. Saw your picture in Saturdays paper, you are even more beautiful then I remember! When I read your article I thought, cancer and the Red Devil are no match for you. You are a beautiful and courageous woman (there isn’t a hair style or color you could not wear). I read your blog and you have the greatest support of family and friends I know you will kick butt! My thoughts are with you, you hold a special place in my heart . –Ron

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