Tomorrow marks the halfway point in my radiation treatment, and although it’s been pretty uneventful to date there is a lot to be said about the kind of tired I get about an hour and a half after treatment, and for the value of a nap.
Yesterday when I pulled my slow body up to my room for my daily rest and stretched out, I found myself looking around my room and making mental note of what I was seeing – the shaft of light coming through my curtains and illuminating my bed, the sunlight coming through dark red curtains, a spider on my ceiling, the pile of (folded!) laundry on my dresser, my freckled dog sprawled out beside me because she knows the routine, two boys’ socks abandoned on the bathroom floor, etc, etc, etc, and then actually laughed out loud because I realized that I had not, at any point in those mental note-makings, moved my head. My eyes had done the work, the rest of my body totally incapable of movement and bordering on semi-paralyzed. I remember consciously thinking that spider could probably drop down and dangle right over my nose and I wouldn’t be able to move.
I lay like this, daily, for about an hour. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I doze, sometimes I can actually feel my body buzzing in its attempt to heal itself from the day’s treatments. Eventually, at some point, I open my eyes and feel normal again, stand up and resume my day. I feel refreshed even, and thankful that all it took was an hour.
Other things are quietly happening while I sleep. Every day when I wake up, I see a little more ‘eyebrow stubble’. The halo of fuzz on my head is growing by the day. My nails have almost grown their chemo ridges out, and this morning, when I swiped my mascara across my hand-drawn lash line, it actually caught some tiny lashes that weren’t there yesterday. Yay.